Here I Go...

So I thought I'd jump on the blogger band wagon, just to see if it helps me feel better. I used to write every day. All my feelings and everything, then I just got so busy, I guess life just got in the way. Anyway, I've been having that alone in a crowded room feeling very much lately. I feel like anytime I'm talking to anyone, even people that are supposed to care, it's like I'm talking to a brick wall. Like they could really care less about what I have to say. I just remember a piece of advice one of my very oldest and dearest friends gave me a while back, "write". So I'm going to. I'm going to send my words out into the world. At least this blank page can't look at me like it has no idea what I'm talking about!



One of the things that got me thinking about writing is really funny actually, a friend posted on their FB page a quote "Lord, please keep Your arm around my shoulders and Your hand over my mouth. Amen." That prayer is so fitting for me. I get so mad and upset at the most ridiculous things and I take it out on the people I love more than anything in this whole world, my poor Husband and my two little boys. Now anyone that knows me knows I have a very bad anger problem, a very short fuse. I'm trying hard to work on it, but that comes at a price. You see it's like a game, anything you want to get better at you have to practice, right? Well I don't want to loose my temper all the time so I think God puts things in my path all day long just to test it out, just for practice. Sometimes I'll be in the middle of blowing a fuse before realizing that this is just a test, then I feel really stupid. Especially when it comes to my poor kids. I just think to myself, "They are just kids, CHILL OUT!!!"



The thing is being mad and upset all the time is really crappy. I don't want to be this way. People think being happy is just something you make up your mind to be. Well I have news, it's not that easy for everyone! I would love to just say, "from this moment on, I'm going to be a happy person!" but my brain doesn't work that way, my mind can't figure that out. Sure I have happy times, not nearly as many as I'd like to have, but I think I can get there. More happy times than sad times I mean. That's wear the whole shutting my mouth thing comes in. Stop talking and yelling so much. Shut up and listen....